INSHA’ALLAH
November 4, 2012 92 Comments
A couple of years ago when I was recovering from illness and couldn’t yet live on my own I rented a room for a year from a very sweet family who had originally come from the Middle East. They took me into their home and into their hearts and when I eventually moved back to Sacramento we kept in touch.
A few weeks ago I enjoyed a happy phone conversation with my friend and I heard about the wonderful, long overdue trip she, her husband and two college-age daughters took this summer to visit their aging parents and grandparents in Iran. We ended our talk with my promise to make the two-hour drive to visit them over the upcoming holidays.
Saturday afternoon I was a little surprised to see my friend’s phone number blinking on the receiver.I could immediately tell from the tone of her voice that something was not right. She said that two days ago her oldest daughter awoke from sleep because she was having trouble breathing. They dialed 9-1-1 and she was taken to emergency. A short while later she went into a deep coma. The rest of the story is like a bad dream.
They discovered the daughter had an inoperable cyst in her brain and the next day tests showed that her brain activity had ceased altogether. My friend ended by saying that they would be taking her off life support Sunday afternoon. There are no words to reply to news like this so we wept together on the phone, she for her daughter and I for her.
The girl was just 21, a recent college graduate who was planning on entering medical school and hoping to later work with Doctors without Borders. She was very intelligent and extroverted with a larger-than-life personality and laugh. She lit up the house with her warmth and vitality.
When children die before their parents, the natural order is disturbed. It is especially painful when the children are young and did not drink deeply of all that life has to offer. Right now my friend and her family are in shock. Real grieving will arrive later when they realize there will be no future with this daughter in it. Family holidays will never be the same, the day of her birth will now be mirrored on the calendar with the day of her death, in their old age there will be one daughter missing from their bedside.
After we hung up I thought about my friend’s sudden and dramatic loss and compared it to another phone call I had received just last week. This was also an announcement about death but this time the person was my age. He was dying from terminal cancer and had only weeks left to live. His family, too, were in shock but there was time for their leave-taking, there was time to give and ask for forgiveness, to express love and say goodbye. His life had been long enough for many opportunities.
In both cases the families are asking “why.” Why him, why her, why now, why like this. It reminds me of that period of time when a child is four or five and follows every statement with the question – why? Why is the sky blue? Why is sugar sweet? Why do birds fly? Why do we have five fingers? Eventually, the parent in exasperation will often say, “Just because.” Because ends further interrogation. This non-answer becomes the answer.
Why are some deaths so terrible, why is there illness, why do the innocent suffer, why isn’t life fair … the big questions can’t be answered by the mind; they are divine mysteries. To make this life bearable, to appreciate its sweetness, to live through the dark as well as the light and find some peace, we have to disengage our egos. We have to give up our desire to control life’s direction and outcome, and to acknowledge our submission and our dependence on the Divine. When we are Christians, we say Not my will but Thine be done; when we are Muslims, we say Insha’Allah. Bon voyage, Shahed.
“…All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well”. Julian of Norwich
About Marie Taylor
Oh Marie, I am so sorry for your loss! I know how wonderful all members this family were toward you and you all thought so much of each other. Please extend my condolences to them. Many soothing hugs going out to you. XOXO
I was not so much close to the daughter as to the mother and this loss will cut very deep into the fabric of their family. When death comes so suddenly, it is always hard to accept. Marie
Ah, Marie, such a poignant, beautiful piece you have written. I am saddened by you friends’ loss of their child. My heart aches today for them.
So beautifully written. I am so sorry for their loss.
It is a reminder to savor our time here with those we love. Thanks for commenting. Marie
I’m speechless, and that’s not often. Life is unfair, just because.
What a devastating loss to a parent. My family has recently under gone a traumatic event with my seventeen year old nephew that but for the grace of God could have been fatal. We are fully aware of the miracles that took place and the fact that we had no control other than prayer. I will pray for peace for this family. Sadly, there can be no understanding. ettabe’e Allah.
We never know what God has planned for us but we can know we are safe in his hands. Thank you for your prayer – and for commenting. Come back again.
My prayers go out to them, I know the feeling all too well..they will grieve but it sounds as if this girl was so full of life, they will soon be remembering her life and commemorating her passing with the joy that she brought to them. Thanks for sharing such a personal thing, you might just be helping someone dealing with that same thing.
I was very grateful to have this post singled out because many people will send their love to this family and ease their hearts a bit. Thanks for commenting and come back again.
Beautifully written and heartbreaking at the same time. I think moments like an accitdent, illness or death remind us that we don’t have full control of our lives — there is something greater than us that is at play. I love the phrase “Insha’Allah” because it captures this sentiment perfectly.
When we can accept some greater ‘director’ at work in our lives, we can relax more and know we are in safe hands. Thanks for commenting and come back again.
Bless you and your friends. I am so sorry for such a sad loss.
Thank you for your kind blessing – at some level it will comfort them. Thanks for commenting and come back again.
Its a disturbing thing to hear such real life stories. I can’t even imagine the grief your friends family is going through. Much courage. Lifes is unfair.
Thank you for visiting and commenting. Come back again.
I’m consequently Iranian and my family also just found out that my aunt has a tumor in her Pons – one day everything is fine, we’re at a wedding dancing drinking and having fun, the next we get a call that the same woman dancing her shoes off the night before is now in the hospital and possibly dying.
Life is ridiculously unexpected. Death arrives when it arrives and life moves on – people move on and only memories of those willing enough to care and remember remain and even then they die and you’re all but forgotten. But it’s selfish to think our fate is different than those before us – how many have gone and left and forgotten – there’s a saying in Persian :shah’ha hameh raftan donya be ja mandeh, shah o gedah mandan donya be ja mande” It roughly translates into: The almighty powerful Kings came and went and the world remained intact – the poor came and went and the world remained intact”
By the way in Iranian culture we NEVER say “inshallah” for death, only for happy occasions. The translation of “it’s god’s will” is more for Arabs and other Muslims. Just fyi
Thank you for responding. Life is so short and it is times like these we are reminded to express our love. I apologize for using inshallah incorrectly but my intent was good – and perhaps for her ‘going home’ is a happy occasion.
You know I just had a friend commit suicide and I was thinking about the family he leaves behind. Your take on “because” is interesting.
Some things can never be understood with the mind and to try to find logical reasons/causes just increases suffering. Thank you for commenting and come back again.
Sometimes I wish I agreed with that whole-heartedly.
What a beautiful post. I’m very sorry for the circumstances. Thanks for sharing!
Congrats on FP, Marie. It was well-deserved.
Thanks, Heather. I was surprised and grateful. Many people are sending their prayers to this family – which is a blessing for them.
Beautiful sentiment .Regards.jalal
Sorry for your loss. Such a wonderful tribute to your friend’s exceptional daughter. Shahed sounded like a very special soul with a promising future.
http://arabianmusings.wordpress.com/
Thank you for visting and commenting. Best wishes, Marie
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful & heartfelt tribute.
Bree
So sorry for your friend’s loss Marie, sudden death is never easy especially when the person you lose is so young.
Someone once told me that in school we learn the lesson then go through the exam while in life we go through the exam to learn the lesson.
You can either see that this is a lesson to acknowledge our submission and our dependence on the Divine as you put it or we can get angry, allow the loss and sorrow to overwhilm us and lead us to asking questions that no one can answer..
Yes, that is it exactly. We wish to direct and control Life – which is impossible. When we submit to it – in the most loving and gentle way – we are always taken care of. Thanks for commenting and visiting. Come back again.
I wish more people would just accept death like that, instead of trying to rationalise it. The worst thing someone told me when my sister passed away at 32, with 2 small kids left behind was that ‘God picked the prettiest flower for his garden’. Still angers me thinking about it.
Why did it anger you? it was someone trying to comfort you, and themselves!
I am not angry. There is some misunderstanding here. I appreciate your kind thoughts.
not you Maire *justcallmegertie* sbove said it angers her thinking about it!
I see. Thanks for responding. I feel better now.
Beautifully written.. I’m sorry for your loss.
Thank you. We all have to take our turns when it comes to the sorrows of life. Having compassion for others give life its beauty. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
Superbly written. This fence-sitting theist wishes he could have such real, genuine faith. It might assist him in amending his life.
A few years ago I lost much – health, money, work, a son – much suffering. When I stopped trying to figure out why or what I had done wrong, or could have done differently or how to change things, the suffering eased because I saw it as part of a larger tapestry which I could not see clearly. There is much to be said for giving the direction of life over to God/spirit/All That Is, etc. Thanks for commenting and come back again.
Life is wonderful. We all get a different one, unlike any other that has ever been lived before, because it is ours. You are so lucky because her life enriched yours.
The whole family has been a blessing to me in their open-hearted kindness. Yes, life is wonderful.
Death is sad but I do believe that their spirit lives on. How about you!
Death is sad for the ones left behind. I believe that the spirit lives on and that all is well in the bigger scheme of things. Thanks for commenting.
You are welcome. This had to be a hard blog for you to write! http://www.segmation.com
Thank you for sharing your story and beautiful message. My prayers are with the family who suffered the loss of a loved one.
Thank you for thinking of them at this hard time and for taking the time to comment.
inna lillahi wa inna alayhi rajiyoon, (From God we come and to God we return)
May Allah grant her jannah, and grant her family strength and sabr.
As Muslims we try to not ask why? and to always be content with the decree of Allah. The one who is content with Allah as his Lord, Muhammad as his Messenger, and Islam as his faith is promised heaven.
We believe in predetermination When you are selective in your belief in pre-ordainment, your belief is incorrect. Being selective means to be pleased and contented with only those decrees that are compatible with your desires, while complaining against and begrudging those decrees that go against your desires.
you can read more about being content here http://muslimahdirections.wordpress.com/muslimah-matter-circles/21012-i-am-content/
Also there is a sister the same age who died on the last day of Ramadhan, her story is relevant and may be of some comfort, her name was Komal Rashid http://muslimahdirections.wordpress.com/2012/10/02/the-inspiring-story-of-komal-rashid/
I do know that feeling. A sudden loss will leave a permanent wound. Our life maybe back to normal, but there will always be a hole inside our heart.
It’s an imperfect life after all. Someday will be our turn. Where there’s life, there’s death. Muslims called it a sunnatullah. May Allah guide their families and also all of us safely. Amen.
P.S.:
I think there’s no problem with the use of “Insha Allah”. It’s just a symbol of faith. Insha Allah is a submission to Him. Whatever it is one wishes to do, will only occur if it is within Allah’s plan.
Thank you for taking the time to comment. It takes a long time to realize that we are not as strong and powerful as our minds would like to think. It is so much easier when we can allow God to act through us without our personal judgements on what is good or bad. Marie
A nice reflection on a tragic story. I have to say that Iranian people are some of the nicest and kindest I have ever met. When confronted with such events what else is there to say but ‘As God wills it, so shall it be done”
During the time I was living with them I met many of the their relatives. They were all exceptionally kind to me. I especially like the big, long meals after which everyone sat around and told stories – just like 1001 Arabian nights. Thanks for commenting and the ‘likes’. Marie
This was beautifully written. The last paragraph had a particular resonance with me. I’m always blown away by the strength of people wiht faith, when they are faced wth such incredible loss. At some point you just have to stop, and realise you don’t have the answers. And I suppose, in that, comes a form of peace.
Great peace of mind comes, not from not having questions, but from not expecting answers. All the great saints were humble because they didn’t pretend to understand God. Thanks for visiting and commenting. Come back again. Not all posts are so sad.
Thank you for a beautifully written piece. I, too, suffered a sudden loss this weekend. A beautiful mother of 5 and my dear friend has gone home to be with the Lord. Your last paragraph says it so beautifully, surrender and submission, because we will not understand in this world.
Thank you for your kind thoughts and for taking the time to comment. I’ll say a prayer for the children left behind. Marie
Thank you for this thoughtful post. Disengaging our egos is difficult but not impossible: beautiful writing such as this, the kindness of strangers, surprising moments of grace… these and more release us into life in fullness.
Thank you for visiting and liking my post. I read some of yours and find resonance with your spirit. I have a separate art website I invite you to visit because I read your mention of mandalas and that is one of the areas that has brought me much peace. When you have time visit http://marietaylorart.wordpress.com. Looking forward to your work. Marie
Thanks… some lovely pieces! Congrats! I do a little painting, and find it hard to hear enough. Likewise, finding an economy of words remains my goal in writing. Allen
Peace be on you and all touched by this loss. Insha’allah….maktub.
Very touching post.
I have some such “Whys” in my own life. Sometimes they leave me bitter and at other times I become fearful and anxious about the unknown future. I’m glad to say finally i’m giving up…no, I’m not giving up my strength but the idea that “I” can fix everything by applying my mind. A year ago I started meditating on the Bhagavad Gita — I realize that God has been giving me enough signals to tell me that it’s about time I surrendered to Him, instead of trying to fix everything myself (the big fat ego self!).
18.66
sarva-dharman parityajya
mam ekam saranam vraja
aham tvam sarva-papebhyo
mokshayishyami ma sucah
Abandon all varieties of duties and just surrender unto Me. I shall deliver you from all sinful reactions. Do not fear.
Your comment reminded me to read the Bhagavad Gita again. Here are some of my favorite verses:
I am always with all beings;
I abandon no one. And
However great your inner darkness,
You are never separate from me.
Let your thoughts flow past you, calmly;
Keep me near, at every moment;
Trust me with your life, because I
Am you, more than you yourself are.
Whose translation? Very beautiful.
I particularly like The Bhagavad Gita: A Verse Translation by Geoffrey Parrinder. Two of my favorite verses are:
Alike in honour or disgrace,
to foe or friend the same,
detached from sorrow and from joy,
in cold and heat the same, 12.18
Reserved alike in blame and praise,
content what lot may be,
and steady-minded, such a man
is full or love and dear to Me. 12.19
The way we interpret the Gita (or any scripture) reflects our own level of advancement.
A few synchronicities took place before I took my first step to Bhakti (devotion):
http://meaningfulsynchronicities.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/the-synchronicity-of-number-66/
http://meaningfulsynchronicities.wordpress.com/2012/10/08/devotional-synchronicity/
You might be receiving some signs in your journey too.
It is the Stephen Mitchell translation.
nothing about death is easy… I lost my beloved one not my children but my mother… Took me 7 years to finally let her go… that’s how I value life and people I love more than before…
beautifully written piece of yours…
Thank you for liking the post and for following the blog. Death is a great teacher for all of us. Marie
indeed…
Well put, Marie.
My condolences all round.
M
Thank you. This post seems to have touched a chord with many people for which I am grateful. Marie
There Are Billions And Billions Of WHY????
But ALL WHY Need Not Need To Be Answered, Some WHY Are Answer Itself And Some WHY Need An Answer.
Perhaps God answers all our questions but we do not have the ears to hear it.
Yeah! Even That’s True.
Secondly How Can One Know That God Has Not Given One Something Better Than What One Desires?
I just read this and then went to my facebook account and the newest post that appeared was from a lady remembering the day as when her son would have been fourteen. I can think of no really helpful words when a parent loses a child. I think I would still be screaming inside no matter how long ago the passing was.
I lost my older son to cancer two years ago when he was 41. Some times I wake up from a dream in which he is there. Many times he is there as he was as a child, a little boy, and my heart aches. I am comforted when I think that when I die he will be waiting there to welcome me home. Marie
Reblogged this on landforsaleinudonthani.
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It is one of my deepest wishes to be able to celebrate loss, to say Thy Will Be Done, to say Insha’Allah, and mean it the way you’ve written it.
There is a quote by Ramana Maharshi that goes something like this: We thank God for all of the good things, but we do not thank Him for the bad. This is where we go wrong.” To live in deep gratitude for everything- what a profound gift. Thanks for taking the time to comment. Marie
To be grateful and so be able to understand it isn’t bad
yes, thank you.
Yes. We don’t have the wisdom to judge what is good or bad. Those are evaluations made by the mind/ego who wants to be in control and comfortable. Thanks for takeing the time to comment. Marie
Dear Marie,
My heart goes out to your friends in the untimely death of their daughter and sister. It’s every parent’s worst nightmare.
This reflection on your friends and the loss of their beautiful, young lady was expressed with a heartfelt compassion and aged wisdom. Acceptance of the unacceptable through knowing that we will be reunited with our loved ones, after our physical death, brings hope and peace to our souls in the meantime.
Love & hugs,
Peggy Sue
Hey Miss Peggy, thanks for the kind thoughts for this family. It is good to hear your voice. I have read/seen your posts on Facebook although I do not post there myself except automatically for the blog. Hope all is well with your family. With love, Marie
Your final paragraph is a very powerful and insightful statement. Thank you. Congratulations on your Word Press glory today. Keep it up!
To give up control is to lay down a great burden. I am reminded of Jesus’ statement about “Come to me all you who labor and are burdened.” Thanks for taking the time to comment. Marie
Dear Marie,
My heart goes out to your friends in the untimely death of their beautiful, young daughter and sister. It is so wrong and every parent’s worst nightmare.
Your reflection – expressed with a heartfelt compassion and an aged wisdom – bring a sense of peace and hope. There is comfort in knowing that at the time of our physical death we will be reunited with the souls of those who have gone before is comforting yet living in the meantime can surely be difficult.
Kind regards,
Peggy Sue
Beautifully heartbreaking! My prayers are with you, and your friends. May Allah keep us all in His tender care, Amen.
Thank you. I know your heart felt wishes will reach them.
Reblogged this on M'ADE and commented:
insha’Allah
I believe that everything is Makhtuob (written). And at the end of the day, it’s not about how or when you did leave this world but what you left to the people and how you touched their lives.
This is a heartbreaking story but at the same time, this influence the thoughts of the readers and others who have heard this story. That we must do the best that we can with this life of ours until we no longer can.
I agree with all that you say. Tragedy/loss comes into each of our lives so it does no good to fight it or bewail it. It reminds us how precious our time together is.
Indeed.
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