WHY WOMEN CRY

Weeping Woman by Picasso

I expect that woman will be the last thing civilized by man. George Meredith

So a male friend of mind says the other day, “Marie, women don’t seem to have any self-control. My girl and I had a small disagreement last night and the next thing I know she starts crying. I just don’t understand it. Why do women always cry when they get angry?”

“It’s obvious,” I replied. “The reason your girl cried was because she was frustrated that there was no gun nearby with which to shoot you.” When I saw the puzzled look on his face I realized that this simple explanation required further elaboration.

From the time that women are little girls certain gender patterns of behavior are set and reinforced. For example: Little Marie is outside playing in the sand box and Tommy the neighborhood bully takes her bucket and shovel.

“Waaaa!” she cries and runs to Daddy who says, “Did that mean bully take your toys. You wait here. I’ll get them back for you.” And he does.

Notice that Daddy did not say, “Punch the little brat in the nose!” Little girls are taught not to fight – just as little boys are taught not to cry.

Marie learns that tears can often produce the desired result when she wants something – and all without much effort on her part. Her satisfaction and delight are boundless but short-lived because…

Sweet, helpless Marie is at the playground and that mean bully Tommy takes her shovel. “Waaa!” she cries. But Daddy is not around.  There is no rescuer in sight.  What to do?

Marie bops Tommy the Turd on the head with the bucket and loudly yells, “Give it back, sucker,” as she twists his arm and kicks his ankle.

Tommy snivels and wails loud enough to attract the attention of the kindergarten teacher who tells Marie, “Nice little girls don’t do that!  They don’t punch other children. Now go stand in the corner until you learn how to behave.”

Over time Marie learns many variations on these themes. She learns that crying is good for getting your own way but only if you have some solid back-up such as your dad, brother, or an old boyfriend. She learns that if nice little girls swear, fart, burp, yell or hit others nobody will like them.

So what can a girl do when she gets into an argument? As we have seen, tears will only work in certain situations. Taking action brings her into direct conflict with the directive which says Do Not Hit Others. Meanwhile, she gnashes her teeth and is accused of being too emotional by the overbearing, logic-dominated, anal-retentive opponent.

There is nothing left but poison for the patient ones, or a 357 magnum for those of a more fiery disposition. But often times when Marie reaches for said equalizer, she comes up empty handed. This results in tears.

You see, women are the more deadly of the species. When we are angry it requires all of our will power to restrain our natural inclinations. Fortunately, we are wise enough to know we have a responsibility to keep the race intact long enough to produce the next generation. If we didn’t, who would be around to put air in our tires?

Women are the gates of hell.  St. Jerome

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